


kiss and fall in debt i guess

by terikos



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Attempt at Humor, Crack, M/M, OHSHC AU, in which midoriya just deals with a lot of bullshit from 6 idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terikos/pseuds/terikos
Summary: “Actually, what about this? He can just pay us back using his body!”Shinsou snorted, Iida chopped the air some more, and Pokeball dude responded with a blank stare.“What-” gaped Midoriya.“Physical labor! Like a part-time job! You can work for us till you pay off all that money!”And thus began Midoriya's (forced) new life in Ouran Acdemy's host club.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	kiss and fall in debt i guess

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is being written with 1/4 a braincell and my nose is going to bleed from thinking too much, please enjoy

If Facebook statuses were still a thing, it'd be, "Dear whatever deity is out there, please erase my mortal existence." Simple. A clear-cut statement that captured Midoriya’s internal horror (hell, it’s external too, there’s fucking anime sweat dripping down his forehead) because _oh my gosh, I just broke a vase, an_ expensive _looking vase._

Some cruel god must've gotten a kick out of his turmoil and decided to pour nail polish remover over the metaphorical fire, because as he turned around to search the expressions of the figures surrounding him, he was greeted with one particularly disgusted scowl. It was almost like the angry dude had a LCD screen plastered to his forehead reading, “You fucking broccoli-lookin twerp, I’ll chuck you into a vat of liquid nitrogen and shatter your remains exactly like that vase.”

Midoriya winced.

_How did it come to this?_

"Uraraka, _no,_ I am not willing to steal the school's $3,000 espresso machine. I can't even find a quiet study room because this place is stupidly huge, how am I gonna find the teachers' lounge?" 

A voice echoed out from the phone stating, "Eat the rich, Mido. Kirby-vortex them into your mouth. Follow a life of diligence and Spy Kids-level stealth, I guess. Can't help you with finding a room though!"

"What is the point of my life."

"Being my best friend and getting Tokoyami and I that espresso machine?"

"... I'm ending the call, good _bye_."

"Mido, think about it, we won't have to go to Starbucks everyday-"

Click, and a sob of exhaustion.

It's a hard knock life for Midoriya but that's not stopping him from finding an elusive study room because jeez FUCK, he's been walking around for an hour after FOUR different libraries were discovered to be too crowded for his liking and that hour is not gonna be left fruitless. Afterall...

There was _no possible way_ he couldn’t find a quiet place to study. Why, you ask? 

The school. Was. Loaded. 

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that they had more rooms than the White House, more marble tiles and square feet of plush carpet than a wedding hall, more leeks in the school’s kitchen than Hatsune Miku would ever be able to spin (that one’s a bit of a stretch since Her power is infinite, but the point gets across). 

Bluntly, Ouran Academy is just a really rich, prestigious school with a bunch of really rich, prestigious high schoolers. A place where, if not for a scholarship, Midoriya would never be able to step foot into unless he wanted to rob aforementioned espresso machine. But he wouldn’t do that, and that just goes to show how smart he is.

Mido exhaled another sigh and went about his journey again. With how large the school was, he had the thought of getting some yarn to track his path, Labyrinth-style, but he shook that idea away as he came across a room he hadn’t entered so far.

_Music Room #5, huh. I mean, it’ll work, I guess._

And with a turn of the doorknob, he made the worst decision he would ever encounter in his life. 

A sudden flurry of rose petals ( _wait, rose petals?! Isn’t that a health hazard, what if someone has a pollen allergy, ah- nevermind, roses don’t generate any airborne pollen, I don’t think…? But that doesn’t clear up anything though, why the hell are-)_ was blown straight at his face.

He gaped at the sight in front of him.

Six guys were posing like otome game characters. 

“Ah, cut! It’s not a girl, turn the fans off!”

And just as if a spell was broken, two of the guys (one with bright red hair, the other with similarly bright but yellow hair) rushed to the sides of the doorway and pulled the cords belonging to separate rigged fans with a respective basket of rose petals. 

_So_ that’s _where they came from,_ Midoriya realized. Before he could think about the remaining (glaringly), unsolved questions, he was cut off as one of the otome characters pointed straight at him. 

“Wait, aren’t you the honors student? Midoriya Izuku, right?” questioned a tall, ramrod straight-postured guy with glasses.

The said honors student blinked slowly in response, before panicking. 

“W-wait, huh? What? Hold on, what even is all this? Why-”

Blonde-haired flower boy slammed a fist down on his palm in a moment of realization and exclaimed, “Ohhh, now that you remind me, Iida, this is the super smart and poor dude!”

A separate voice jumped in, “The, quote-unquote, audacious one everyone’s been talking about?”

An invisible arrow struck Mido’s back. Twice.

_Poor? Audacious? Ouch, have some manners if you’re gonna be rich…_

Another person spoke up, this time, a guy whose hair looked like a pokemon ball. 

“To answer your question, we’re the host club.”

The voice that previously described Midoriya as “audacious” belonged to a purple zombie, and he retorted back sardonically, “Some of us aren’t here by will, though.”

Everything was going so fast, he couldn’t keep up and was left a confused, stuttering mess.

So he did what any normal, confused, stuttering person would do and reached for the door until he found it to be locked.

(That, or his hands were too sweaty from being nervous and couldn’t even turn the doorknob.)

The otome character that had been in the middle of the “game screen” stepped closer to Midoriya and hovered over him as he increasingly became more flustered with the unopening door.

“Hey, extra, you realize you have no reason for being here? Get out before you break the fucking doorknob, this place isn’t for twerps like you.”

Midoriya fucking _jumped_ back _._ Middle-man otome character was glaring paring knives at him with, possibly, the intent to _devein him like shrimp._

_What did I do?! Why’s he so angry at me, I’m literally just standing here?_

All six of the so-called host club members paused before a barrage of comments broke out.

“Bakugou, bro, he looks like he’s gonna piss himself, be a lil’ kinder?”

“PFFT- I’m gonna tattle on his mom, oh my god, he can’t even keep his bet for a day!”

“Rest in pieces Bakugou’s manners…”

“Bakugou just went ‘TTYLXOX’, to manners _and_ first impressions, haha.”

“Like he had any in the first place....”

“OH, FROM ZENDAYA’S SONG-”

Bakugou, the same guy who was about to make broccoli and shrimp gratin à la Midoriya, turned his head and directed his focus to the five cackling guys. 

“Shut the FUCK up, MORONS, YOU FORGOT BELLA THORNE.”

Mido took this chance to further his distance from the angry maniac, stepping closer and closer to a pedestal displaying a giant vase.

He didn’t notice until he felt himself bumping into something. 

In a moment of supernatural, slow-motion vision, he realized he was going to die today as it reached closer to the ground.

_Ladies and gentlemen, we have begun our descent to Hell itself. Please turn off all portable electronic devices and stow them until we have arrived at the gate. In preparation for landing, be certain your seat back is straight up and your seat belt is fastened. Please secure your carry-on items-_

5…

4…

One last desperate, but futile, reach with extended fingers,

_No, no, no, no, fuck,_

3…

2…

1…

_The Eagle has landed, I guess._

Everyone quieted down after the distinct sound of shattering ceramic.

“Oh, you _really_ fucked up now, huh.”

“Isn’t that the Renaissance vase we were gonna auction off?”

And thus, Midoriya found himself in his current position. He opened his mouth to speak, to pray, to cry, to say anything really, but the words just didn’t come out. Close. Open. Close. 

“You look like a fish. Say something, c’mon, you just broke the damn thing,” scowled Bakugou.

“H-how… how much is it?” he asked, in a pitiful attempt to repay his new debt.

The other blonde, the one that didn’t look like a murderous porcupine, failed to hold in a laugh. 

“Oh man, I don’t think you can pay for it, though. I think it’s… $74,000?”

_Hold on, how many months of rent can I pay with that much? 74,000 divided by…_

Midoriya’s eyes rolled back in his head for a second as he realized, “Can you just kill me now? Isn’t that easier?”

Robotic Glasses Man made a strange hand-chopping motion and exclaimed, “That’s not legal! Even if it’s consensual homicide!”

“I mean, your kidneys would probably pay it off, so I don’t know, Iida… If he really wants to-” 

“Shinsou, please, let’s have some decency here?!”

Five minutes of bickering amongst the otome characters passed by until the blonde dude named Kaminari spoke up. 

“Actually, what about this? He can just pay us back using his body!”

Shinsou snorted, Iida chopped the air some more, and Pokeball dude responded with a blank stare. 

“What-” gaped Midoriya.

“Physical labor! Like a part-time job! You can work for us till you pay off all that money!”

_Oh, holy shit, thank gosh, that doesn’t sound too bad I was so scared what the hell why would you even phrase it like that I almost had a heart attack…_

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” agreed Pokeball dude.

“Woah, so we’re getting a new host member?! Welcome to the club, then!” Redhead yelled.

Bakugou was clearly not having any of this shit because he started objecting, “What? I refuse, he just broke a fucking vase!” 

“Yeah, and he has to pay it off, you loud dumbass. Keep your barking down, jeez.” Shinsou sighed, and raised an eyebrow to a very-close-to-exploding-Bakugou.

“Or do you have a better idea than Kaminari’s?”

“YEAH, I DO, LET’S JUST FUCKING SKIN HIM ALI-”

The redhead muffled Bakugou’s yells with a hand and smiled warmly at Midoriya amidst all the chaos. 

“Alright, so we all welcome him joining, right? Great, I look forward to it!”

  
  


_If I knew this was going to happen, I would’ve just stolen that espresso machine like Uraraka asked…_


End file.
